Lifetime Television for Women. How do I love thee? Let me count five ways:
1) You make it possible for me to lounge on my couch and watch endless hours of television without getting bored or feeling guilty.
2) You've transformed mild-mannered TV Moms like Meredith Baxter Birney and Joanna Kearns into psycho, vengeful matriarchs.
3) Any personal drama in my life pales in comparison to what Laura Leighton, Jenny Garth, Tiffany Amber Thiesen or any former female member of the cast of 90210 or Melrose Place endure in their Lifetime flicks.
4) Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and Lifetime movies allow real-life women to live vicariously through their fictional counterparts.
5) You can rely on that tale of a woman scorned to wrap up in the last six minutes, usually with the villain's reveal and self-defense take-down by the heroine, right before the police show up predictably late and the credits roll speedily by.
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